Ever since meeting my first son and rooming in with him in the hospital, I've felt a very close bond with him. It still builds each day, but I now know firsthand the emotional and physiological tie I feel with Daniel - not to mention the indescribable spiritual connection I feel with this new being.
One of the most rewarding part is watching him sleep in my arms after I've fed or comforted him. He cycles through what I think of as "practice expressions", in which he makes all sorts of faces while he's in REM sleep. My favorite is his gleeful, open-mouth smile face, in which his two dimples (both on the right side of his face like a Branch) show and his eyes squinch up. Once, he even did a sort of laugh while he was making this face. He also has a glad, contented face, one that's concerned, grumpy, sad, angry, coy, defiant, incredulous and many more. I imagine he's dreaming, though he is more often than not making a diaper!
It's hardest for me when he is crying and I can't immediately placate him. I can ease his distress best when I can just latch him on for a feeding, but it's not always that simple. Recently, I've been trying to feed him out of a bottle (my milk and formula) and have Matt learn how to do the same (I still breast feed him, but it is so much easier to use a bottle), and he's much fussier when we're feeding him this way. I have to prepare the bottle and I can't let him latch on and suck the whole time like he's used to - which is hard for him to abide by. But so far, he's been able to switch back and forth between bottle and breast, and we're going to get the Nuk nipple, which helps prevent "nipple confusion".
Changing diapers at least 8 times a day isn't as pleasant as I thought it would be :-) But at least (when he's clean) he smells great. I call him my little buttermilk biscuit because he smells like sweet milk and has smooth creamy skin. I've always liked baby hands and feet, but they are especially tasty looking on my own.
So, until I have more time and/or Daniel does something amazing (even more so than being his own little self), I hope everyone reading this takes care. We've been feeling very blessed, especially when so many others in the nation are experiencing such great loss. Though we've been a bit preoccupied with our new family, we haven't lost sight of the tragedies here and overseas.
